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Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.
FrostbiteNumbness
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.
 
It spreads, like fire,
Like ice.
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
Pat –pat
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.
 
I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
Up…
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?
 
What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –
You'll Never Understand...You'll never understand...
But I'm glad you don't.
Because that would mean
You'd have to go through my pain.
And I'd never wish that
For you.
Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)
UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"
Happily AloneHonesty,
She does not have,
Personalities,
She has many of them.

A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.

If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.

She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.

She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
No color,
nobody else.

Then,
she will smile,
why,
because she is truly happy alone.

She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.
lifelinesI fear the sound of sparrows
and the density of leaves
against dew-muffled blades
of grass,

and I'm drowning
in the sky.

My skin has learned how
to peel itself off
without causing a commotion
in my marrows or
even show the slightest hint
of pain,
and my heart has learned how
to hush the stars in their wake
and keep it all a secret.

There's a sea in my mouth
and I can't swim.

There are lifelines
cast like these and it will
all end with the same tragedy.
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
 
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
 
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
 
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
of seafoam thronesFrom Atlas’ hands she wept to me,
atop Africas and South Atlantics;

this is one situation unaffected by
ember eyes and windy lashes
(it has no anatomy).

You are sparrows stranded
in tiny crevices and cliffside love,
though you rebuke flight
in the fear of chipping feathers.

   So what do you do?

You reach for my soul,
coveting flight with shaking
dainty arms…

and perhaps I’ll let you:
With flytrap lips and
glass shaped hips…
you are unfit for anything but
sight.

(But beauty isn’t everything)
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
Ashes on the SandWe put you in
a crystal box
small enough for me
to hold in my
hands
(and that thought gives me
chill bumps)
The tide was high
where we took you
and I remember thinking
how pointless it was
(you were just going to wash
up on the shore)
Everyone was quiet
and some people cried
and as you were tossed
out to sea like so
many grains of sand
I thought how much
I missed you
(Now I think how much
I hate you
for leaving)
PerfectEver had the feeling where you can't stop looking at a picture?
Your gorgeous face makes me smile
Go weak at the knees
Makes me giggle like a little girl

Those morning texts
All day conversations
Random silly things like that
Make me smile

I see the led light flash the colours I've set for when I get a message from you
My heart flutters
My cheeks flush
I go deaf to the world when I'm reading a message from you

If your down
I'm always there for you
I know you don't want to worry me
I know you want me to smile
But I'm always here for you
No matter how you feel
I'd prefer to help
Than for you to be down

Your gorgeous eyes
Are mesmerising
You
A Charmed LifeDoll-faced men and sinkholes, ancient tombstones
Leaves piled ankle-deep, falling down
Old wells, old graves, old friends lost
Pirate adventures in Neverland
Don't go into that barn

Ponchoboy and Rangergirl rise from the ashes
From the cold river, from afar
Remember before they were born, how they
Held hands and jumped into the world
Don't go into that school

Ladybugs, pennies, notes from the dead sun eclipse
Scrape the inside of your skull for clues
All the old dreams are still there, petrified
You are a rock of ages gibbering
Don't go into that factory
weight of the worldand suddenly--
it was like the world decided that
it didn't want to carry its burden any longer,
so it shifted the weight
into the hollows of my bones
and told me that
it was my problem now.
UntitledThere is a loneliness that can
come to subsistence in man
deeper than the great
submarine sinkhole of Belize;

a crawling phthalo blue sadness
stolen off of a Picasso palette
of familiar numbing pains.

I recall having heard them
as they bid adieu- to me,
another newly extinct species;

some of us are meant for doom
like stellar sea cows, with only
our skeletal frames remaining.

Our squeaks muted all too soon
in the darkness of the shade.

So it goes: life can drag
a few of us blow by blow,
skewing our limbs and broiling
our skins by very heavy venom.
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More from ~zodiac699

CryingSometimes I cry when I'm feeling sad.
Sometimes I wish I'd die when I feel bad.
I cry, tears are falling; I cry, tears fall
I'm feeling sad, so sad I can't think...
You're leaving; you never arrived.
Why does the world look black when I've tears in my eyes?
Why do I feel like I'm drowning and nobody cares?
I need you, you're not here.I want you, you're not here.
I cry, tears are falling, always falling.
I'm sinking, all is sinking.
My world is ending...
Why weren't you there?
I thought we were friends?
I thought you loved me?
I know I loved you
I cried,I died,
You are gone.

11-15-2010
the mirror liesYou say you love and want me
these words I can not believe.
the mirror tells a lie
I don't feel this way inside.
I see such pretty eyes
a happy smile they're just a lie
inside corruption hides
my soul a vast black hole
I do not know how to love
Don't trust me I can not be true
Craving attention like a fiend his drug
vain attempts to fill the empty void
I will hold whomever asks
I will be what they desire
A flash of pleasure a raging fire
Then away once more
as the sorrow flows
my guilt and shame once more descends
then hide my evilness again
another day the cycle never ends
fixing my face gazing into a mirror that lies
I
LegacyAt times like these the voices in my head drown out all logic and reason.
Hate filled voices saying, "You're stupid, you're evil, no one loves you, no one will ever love you,
who could love someone so worthless?",echo in an endless feedback loop.
Voices of those who are dead and gone but whose words are a living legacy coursing through my brain.
Causing me pain, endlessly making me doubt everyone, and cry like that lonely child;
even as the one who loves me holds me tight.
Feeling undeserving waiting for him to discover my worthlessness and leave me too.

Eli 10-18-2010
unwantedYour profusion of love now ring empty in my ears.
Your mouth say's pretty things while your eyes watch another.
Distracted pats in passing while hurrying off to another.
Saying you want me, then taking another.
Left to kneel alone, unwanted, a shiny toy had and tossed aside.

Eli October 17, 2010
Standing in the cold looking down on your grave.
I Hate you.
You made me love you then took yourself away.
If you were too cowardly to live
Why did you smile and wave when I walked in the club?
Why did you grind and tease me when we danced?
Why did you take me home and love me all night?
Why did you say you loved me?
Why did you make me love you?
Why? if you were just gonna go away?
You are gone and I am alone
flooding your lonely grave with my useless tears.
Hating the one I love.

Eli 10-14-2010

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December 6, 2012
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[x]

Not Mine

:iconzodiac699:

Less than ten minutes
That's all I could claim of your time today.
Still I'm flying a mile high.
Face  sore from excessive grinning.
Happy and singing, loving you.
Wishing to spend hours, days, years,
Just holding, talking, being with you.
Telling myself to be content.
Taking what you can give, giving all that I can.
Wishing for more, knowing the futility of it.
Telling myself I'm not jealous.
To love someone so much can't be wrong.
I'd rather share than do without.
Only saying "Mine" to myself


Eli 1-2-2012
:iconzodiac699:
written by me on 1-2-2012
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